Caught in the inbetween

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:38:57 GMT

I am better now, at least a little. My PLSC123 professor is the best person in the world. He doesn't care if I miss class to go to basketball pep band. And he decided the articles we were supposed to read were 'boring and dry' and so he isn't putting them on tomorrow's exam, which is only on 1 chapter because he was out sick for a week. That eased my work load considerably. I still have a ton of work to do this week. I jhave to study Italian like nobody's business, and read a 300 page book by Friday.

But I turn 21 on Thursday, and damnit, I'm going out! So there's that. I don't know how well this whole 'actual work to do on Friday' business is going to turn out, but I'm hoping for the best because I think I deserve a little fun. I've been working my ass off this semester, and I'm only just barely scraping by, and that sucks. And it's draining, and upsetting, to know that I've put so much work into these classes and they're just kicking my ass over and over and over again. It's frustrating. I thought if I worked harder I could do better, but it's simply a matter of just not grasping this new material, no matter how much time I put into it. And that sucks. But whatever, because at least I'm passing, and that's all that counts at this point. I've (sort of) come to terms with the impending death of my GPA.

Now off to class and work and being a good little busy bee of productivity until tomorrow night. SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FANCY DINNER with Abbey and Amanda for my birthday. <3 <3 <3 <3

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:40:04 GMT

I am in one of those 'everything that could possibly go wrong is going to go wrong' points in my life right now. I feel like everything is falling apart a little bit at a time, and that it's all my fault, except that I don't know what I'm doing wrong in order to fix it. Maybe I just need to get out of this hole of homework that I've fallen into and everything will magically be okay. Maybe I need to turn 21 on Thursday and just be able to take the edge off every once and a while (or take up smoking or something). Or maybe I'm just wrong about everything ever. That's always possible.

Other than that, Michigan with the Blue Band was great fun! I'm almost caught up on Paranormal, can't wait to be able to watch it week by week with the rest of the world, and I'm not doing too poorly in any of my classes, I just have a lot of backed up work for them is all. A lot of reading to do over the next two days. A LOT of reading. But I guess life isn't too terrible, all in all. Just the little things that add up after a while, but I'm sure they'll go away in a few days as well.

Nothing that can't be sorted out, but something that needed a mini-lj rant before I started my day as a ball of frustration. :-p Now, off to be a hermit for a day so that I can (hopefully) be back on track and back to normal for tomorrow.

NEW LIVEJOURNAL

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:06:41 GMT

http://belovedlistener.livejournal.com/

That is my new livejournal. I let this one die. I never really liked the name 'easytoexplain'. I want to start over new. I want all of my way too many sites to have the same name (now I'm BelovedListener on twitter, blogspot, AIM, Deviant Art and livejournal).

Those are my reasons. But please, ADD MY NEW NAME! And I hope to be more active now. Especially since in two weeks it will be SUMMER

http://belovedlistener.livejournal.com/

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:47:13 GMT

I didn't actually look, but I'm pretty sure it has been FOREVER since I've posted on here. And by forever I mean probably about a month. Maybe less. Who knows. Anyway, the point is, I totally used to update this thing at least once a week. I'm slacking, big-time. These past few weeks have been pretty rough. Schoolwork has been piling up, and last week I had more exams in a three-day timespan than I had in the past month. It was pretty ridiculous. But that's all over. Tomorrow (or today, rather, since it's almost 1 am at this point) I have to have a one-on-one conversation with my Italian Professor, it's pretty scary, especially since I can't remember most of the verbs we've learned over the past two semesters. I should really be studying right now, but, I'm quite obviously not. I'm writing this.

And I had another energy drink today, which I haven't done in a while, so now I don't know when I'll be tired enough to go to bed. Haha, that's a lie. I'll probably be awake for about ten more minutes then hardcore crash and be dead to the world. That'll be a good time. This weekend cannot come fast enough. Just four classes between me and two days of doing nothing productive at all, I'm pretty psyched. Going to see a play, hang out with some friends, and go to a birthday party. Brunch will happen somewhere in there as well. ^_^ It's going to be grand.

And now I'm going to go get ready for bed. Just a quick update on my life. And sorry to everyone who I haven't been keeping track of on here, since I stopped coming on for a while. I hope to get back in the swing of things soon enough!

Long overdue...

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:14:22 GMT

I've been busy being responsible lately. It kind of sucks. For starters, I spent all of last weekend studying for some ridiculous HIstory test that I probably only got a C on anyway, but won't know for sure until a week or two from now because it's mostly essay so she has to grade them all and read them and blah blah blah. So yeah... good times there. And next weekend my little sister was going to come up to college to see the Movin On' concert (some awesome headliners at PSU like The White Tie Affair, Innerparty System, and The Spil Canvas), except that this week I'm going to be swamped with Italian and reading for History, and the week after next I have three midterms and a big Italian assignment, so I really don't think I'll have as much time to spend at the concert (or just not studying in general) like I thought before. So now they're not coming, and I'm probably going to spend most of the day studying.:-( I hate that there is so much due within the next two weeks, then virtually nothing until Finals week. Why can't it just be spaced out? I'll be okay after the week of the 6th, though. I just have to make it through that...

In much happier news, though, things are going well with Cru and my Bible Study, which is nice. And I'm excited for the Silks clinic during Blue White Weekend. And the weather seems to be getting nicer. Rain instead of snow is fun. I do love the rain (when I didn't spend time on my hair in the morning, that is! haha) and... yeah. I'm home this weekend, which is nice, because I miss my family a lot when I'm at school. Of course, living with Amanda makes it all worth it, because some good times are had there. But it's nice to be back in my room again, even after just two weeks, spending all day watching Comedy Central with my dad. It was a nice day. Tomorrow I get to see my little sister perform with the high school marching band at an indoor football arena game at halftime, which is fun. They've done this for two years now, it's always a good time, and their show this year was extra awesome (some sort of horror theme, they did jaws and thriller and the time warp and tons of other fun things!) so yeah. I guess life isn't always horrible... just sometimes. ^_^

Writer's Block: Divided Self

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 03:47:41 GMT

Do you behave differently online than you do in real life?

Submitted By tinysaur

View 500 Answers

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, a million times yes. Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. But I am at least a little different. Online I am a lot braver than I am when talking face to face with someone. I can say things in an e-mail or instant message or a livejournal update that I could never say to someone over the phone, let alone in person. I'm not very confident in myself a lot of the time, I get too emotional in real life, but online things are just words. It's easier to disconnect myself from them. And so I can be a lot braver online. More honest and open. The same goes for writing letters. Personality-wise I'm the same,t hough. I mean when it comes down to what I like and how I say things and such. I am who I am. Maybe more of me comes out online, but it's the same me. ^_^

Breaking the spring...

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 03:50:23 GMT

Yes, it is that time again. Spring Break is upon my college finally (well, it has been since Friday night, really, though tomorrow will be the first day I would have had to be in classes that I won't be. The first of five gloriously similar days), and I love it already. Yesterday was spent with some friends (Liz, Caitlin, and Matt) who had to go back to college today, their spring break was last week, and ended today, which was lame since I barely got to see them. But it was great to hang with them for the short amount of time we had. And of course there was Amanda, whom I see all of the time but never seem to tire of. ^_~ And Dani, who is still in high school, so she's always around when I come home to visit but we never seem to hang out as much as I would like. I mean, she has her high school friends and work and school, which obviously takes up oodles of time, but I do love spending time with Dani because she's such a fun, positive person to be around, I never seem to stop smiling. ^_^ I love my friends.

Today was great to just spend at home with my family. My mom works during the day, my dad is working farther away so he'll be home even less than he normally would during the week, and my sister is in school, so I won't see them a whole whole lot this coming week. But it is nice to be home, even if I do have to do chores again. Meh. It's nice to drive my car again too. I missed it so.

I had so much I wanted to do by now and haven't, and while I know I have about seven more days left I know I'll probably never do them. Like, I brought my sketching pencils and stuff home with me, since I haven't sketched anything in months. I do want to get at least decent in drawing, and I'll never do that unless I practice more... or at all. But my sister has a new Nancy Drew game that I want to play, and my dad got a new PC game to give me, and I have so many shows and movies I want to watch... I know I'll just overload on possibilities and not do any of it. I'll just sleep all of the time and spend the rest online, or watching television with my family.

Maybe I'll find some friends who are home to hang out with. Go to the mall? See a movie? Bowling? SOMETHING! Hopefully. If not, I guess the rest of the week will just be uneventful, which I guess is nice as well, in a calm, restful, boring sort of way. :-p

~Erica

Things are...

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 05:40:22 GMT

Things are good. They're definitely better than they were. Things are starting to work out. Things are starting to seem easier. Things are difficult at times, but things are also put before us to test us and our faith and perseverance . Things will be overcome. Things will start to go my way. Things are not always up to me, but that's okay, because I'm learning to let go. Things are happening for a reason, and I have faith that things are happening for the best.

Things are... ^_^

Is honesty really the best policy all of the time?

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 05:30:50 GMT

I don't know what I think anymore.

afj;oewrfysdufhsdajnfkealmfkl;dsfoiajweiofnkl;j

..what happens when StumbleUpon knows what you need to hear. <3

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:54:02 GMT

((This is not mine. I'm not even positive who Omer Washington is. It is just something I happened across on the internet and wanted to share. <3 <3 <3 Any accents were added by me, though))

I've Learned
by Omer B. Washington

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people,
It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love
and be loved.
I've learned...

yet another stolen thing... this time from joshPM and fleshandfantasy

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:42:46 GMT

>>Ask me to take a picture of any aspect of my life that you're interested in/curious about - it can be anything from my DVD collection to my favorite pair of shoes. Leave your choice(s) here as a comment, and I will reciprocate by taking the pictures and posting them as an entry. That way you get to know a little bit about my life.<<

yanked from the journal of inflationary

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:36:26 GMT

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions

THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER "I"
1. "I'm Ready" by Jack's Mannequin
2. "I'm Sorry" by Jealousy Curve
3. "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by the Scissor Sisters
4. "I Woke Up In A Car" by Something Corporate
5. "Industry" by Jon McLaughlin

... <3

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 05:59:31 GMT

I am changing. Drastically. And it's all happening so suddenly, such a whirling, swirling, crazy mess of hope and optimism and smiles and music and dancing and laughter. And I know that this all sounds crazy. But it isn't. I've finally found a way to get rid of everything that I hated about myself and my personality, for good this time, I think. I've found a way to love myself for who and what I am, to not be jealous of everyone else for everything else, and to love every minute of what I do, whether that's sitting in a lecture or hanging out with Amanda. Or at least, I'm better at it than I was before, and I can see myself improving with every passing day. To be more comfortable with myself with every passing day. To not regret every passing day. And for me, that's a huge step.

Do I still have doubts and fears and insecurities? Yes. But doesn't everybody? The sooner I learn to accept them and not let them control me, the sooner I can be... happier? stronger? better? Yes, yes, and yes. And I'm sorry to everyone who has been telling me these things for years, and who had to sit back and watch me as I ignored them, thinking I knew me best and there was no hope to escape my ways of thinking about and viewing life. I'm sorry I didn't listen sooner. <3 But thanks for putting up with me for this long, and hopefully it'll only get better from here.

Perhaps more specific updates and explanations and emotions to come, but for now I'll leave it with vague analogies and such. ^_^

Best wishes,

Erica.

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:28:22 GMT

There's so much I need to be doing right now... there's even more that I WANT to be doing right now... but I decided that since I'll probably end up doing nothing from either of those two categories any time soon, I might as well update here. I've been replying to everyone else's livejournals, but neglecting to write a little in mine, so I figured it was about time I did a little something here. I can't promise it'll be anything worth reading, but a little update none the less.

So, school. It has started. Again. Another semester is already two weeks in, and I"m already two weeks behind in all of my reading. I haven't even taken my Econ book out of the shrink-wrap yet, that's how lazy I've been these past two weeks. Though I pride myself in the knowledge that I haven't skipped a single class yet, despite the fact that I wanted to skip several which are still reviewing things I already know. ^_^ I have an Italian Exam next Friday already, and I don't remember any of the stuff we've been going over from last semester. Whose bright idea was it for me to take Italian, anyway? haha. I have some friends in some classes this semester, though, which is nice. I want to join a few more clubs, though, I just can't force myself to make the time for meetings. I'm going to Cru, which is a Christian group on campus full of awesome people and awesome live music and it's just a great experience overall. I didn't realize how much I missed the inspiration and hope and optimism I used to get from religion when I was younger, before my family stopped going to church, and it's nice to have that in my life again. I'm not going to go preaching to all of my friends, or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I may have more agnostic or athiest friends than I do religious ones, now that I think about it... it's just nice for me. <3

Other than that, nothing new really going on. I'm writing a little bit again, poem-like things mostly, lyrics, sometimes beginnings or middles to stories, when I get the inspiration. That's nice. I should start drawing again to see if I can get any better... I shold take a class or something, though. I can't seem to wrap my head around shading and distance and stuff like that. Proportions. ugg. I'm finding some new music, which is fun, and I'm always open to suggestions if anyone has any. Music is awesome. New music is even more awesome. Oh, and reading! Also awesome. Since I'm not reading for class, I figured why not take up reading for fun again? Haha. I got some books from the library that seemed promising, though I have a stack of my own getting dusty right next to my desk. So many books, so little time. Oh, and video games have found their way back into my life. I hope they make an appearance again this weekend, in my suddenly vast amounts of free time.

I've been living in my head a lot lately. Zoning out and getting lost in the crazy thoughts that live inside my brain. I should probably knock it off. A look inside my current jumble of thoughts: I'm missing home already, and I can't wait for Spring Break. I'll have to pick a weekend before that to go home, though, so I don't go crazy until March. I need to do laundry, everything is dirty. I need to get to the gym, but it's so crowded all of the time now that I can never get on a treadmill. Silly people and their New Year's Resolutions, I've been going to the gym all year, that should give me some sort of priority. I want to learn so many things, like new languages and how to knit and sew and crochet and draw and skii and snowboard and be crafty and make things, and soooooo many other things. I just don't have the time. I need to get an internship for the summer or something, get a head start on making some sort of career for myself, maybe. I need to get a normal job now, so I can afford all of the things I want to buy. And I want to be able to give money to charities and organizations I believe in.

And that's just the small amount of stuff that I was just thinking of. Imagine how ridiculous things can get for 24 hours of thinking. I should take up meditation, sometimes I feel like it'd be nice to escape my own mind for a little while.

I'm going to stop while I'm ahead, partly because I want to take this math quiz now so I don't have to worry about it over the weekend, and partly because I have an hour and a half before Friday Night Lights comes on, and I want to see if I can fit in a nap before this energy drink I just had kicks in and I'm up until five in the morning.

<3

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 08:39:36 GMT

So what do I do when I have the dorm room to myself for a night? I stay up until 3 am (at least, that's what time it is now and I'm not really tired anymore, damn you second wind) catching up on the first two seasons of Gossip Girl. Which isn't a terrible show, really, I just started watching it because some actors I liked were in it. But it draws you in, almost like when you drive by a car wreck and can't look away, you know? haha. Oh dear, I should not be allowed to write things at 3 in the morning. It should be illegal.

... it's 3:30 now, for the record. Man, how time flies. I should get some sleep... who knows what the weekend will hold for me? My horoscope said to 'vanish while you still can' for tonight... rather, last night, since it's technically Saturday, so that's exactly what I did. I hid in the room, kept to myself... it was quiet. Odd. I thought a lot, wrote a little, then threw it out. Maybe another day. But now I'm ready to pass out. Yep, second wind is gone, and my eyes are unable to remain open. Time for bed.

<3

...just what the doctor ordered?

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:47:00 GMT

I love how life always seems to know just what I need, when I need it, and then every once and a while it even lets me get what I want. Tonight was full of friends I haven't seen in FOREVER but missed so much, Brett dancing to hip-hop in Sean's car, horrible singing, overpriced pieces of cake from expensive Italian restaurants, and a thirty minute game of Laser Quest. And suddenly it was like I didn't have a care in the world. Like nothing else mattered. I really needed that!

I got back too late to watch Psych with Liz and Amanda, which was a bummer because I don't know when I'll see Liz again, though I'm excited to start this next semester with Amanda in two days! That's the most positive that I can be about having to end break and start classes, haha. But I'm trying! I'm trying so hard.

I haven't done half of the things I wanted to over break, and now that I only have one day left (that will probably just be spent watching the playoffs, GO STEELERS!) I just wish I had more time. But it's all good, I guess, and Spring Break will be here faster than I think, followed by Summer in just a few short months. If I can manage to not stress myself to death, all will be well. ^_^

... so this is the new year ...

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 23:49:53 GMT

It doesn't feel much different, Death Cab for Cutie was totally right on that one. I did get to spend both the eve and the day of the New Year in California, though, which was pretty sweet. That's a first for me, I've never spent New Year's Eve outside of my own house, let alone in another state. If you weren't watching the Rose Bowl, Penn State lost, and it was very, very sad. But USC is a school full of jerks, and we're so much classier that we win a life in general, so that's nice to know. California was nice on the day that it wasn't full of smog. Beautiful, in fact. Then it was pretty much hard to see anything because it got really hazy. It was strange. But the palm trees were nice, and the mountains were beautiful. I love planes, and seeing the sun set from up in the sky was priceless. The scenery from here to California is just breathtaking. And now there is no more football season. No more marching band season. Weird.

So New Year. Yeah. It's full of the typical resolutions. Get better grades, lose weight, be nicer, make more friends, be a better person, etc. Maybe it will actually happen this year. Who knows? I do want to get a job and make some money because I seem to want so much clothing and DVDs and everything that I just can't afford, but it would be nice to be able to buy myself something every once and a while, you know? Yeah. So maybe that'll happen. We'll see. I want to get better grades, though. Study more, Actually care this time around. I say that ever semester too, though.

So outside of New Years stuff, I'm just relaxing. I have exactly one week from about thirty minutes ago until I have to go back to college for the next semester. This will be my last semester living with Amanda, so I'm hoping to make it a really great one full of movie watching and late nights and video games and fun times in general. I can't imagine having to live with someone else. But I guess I should just count my blessings that I've had such a great time for these first two years, and see what happens from here.

I need to watch more movies. True story. There are so many I want to see and haven't yet, but canceling netflix is putting a slight damper on getting that done, what with school bandwidth limits and all. Silly bandwidth. Oh, and I've had this cough for, like, two weeks now and it won't go away, so tomorrow I'm making a doctor's appointment so that I can get it looked at and see if I have the plague or not.

I'm watching football now, have been all day, playoffs are on! No Steelers game until next week, though. Another Super Bowl run would be great, but we'll just take it one week at a time. It's nice to be home and relaxing. I hope to hang out with friends this week. Right now I'm just playing some mindless internet games in my living room, spending some time with the family before I spend all week out with friends and stuff, which is most likely what's going to happen for the next five days. Woo!

Happy New Year, everybody! I hope that your 2009 is a great one! <3 <3 <3 <3

Day Seven -- Merry Christmas!

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 04:23:49 GMT

Christmas happened. Do I even need to say what made me happy? I got oodles of clothing. Also some games, and an iPod Touch. I'm not going to lie, at first I thought it was unnecessary and I was debating returning it for the money (I need a lot of clothing yet! My winter supply is so nonexistent it isn't even funny) but the more I mess with it the more I realize it is pretty cool, and my dad likes to get us stuff like that, so even though I didn't need it or ask for it, I'm going to keep it and show it off to people who would want it. haha! Oh, I got How I Met Your Mother Season 3, which is awesome. Also Iron Man. Sweet! I got some jewelry too. All in all a good Christmas. Of course, it isn't about the receiving, it's about the giving and the love and the family and friends. But I already had all of that stuff, I have all year! ^_^ <3

So yes. Christmas. I watched the Invader Zim Christmas episode about three times in the past 24 hours, it's a good time. I sort of want to try and sketch something, but I don't know if I will. I'm pretty tired - I stayed up late last night, and my sister woke me up at 7 to open presents. CRAZY PEOPLE! So yeah, I'm not well rested at all. But maybe. We'll see if I'm motivated after I'm done writing this.

I hope everyone reading this had a lovely day wherever you were doing whatever it was that you did today. ^_^ I leave for California in four days. Practically three days, starting tomorrow morning. That is a crazy number which I cannot believe. Part of me wants to stay home and keep visiting friends and go to New Years Eve parties and hang out with my family, but it's the ROSE BOWL, so it wins. Hands down. Plus, it's too late to back out now even if I wanted to. haha!

Much love, Erica.

Christmas Eve...

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:59:12 GMT

I don't even know what day it is on my 'things that made me happy today' thing, but you know what, I don't care! I'm going to try and mention at least one positive thing in every entry regardless of what day it is, just because it could never hurt to add some happiness, even if it may be forced sometimes.

Today's, however, is far from forced. This afternoon was so much fun! I gift exchanged with Amanda and Liz and Dani, which was so much fun! I got some adorable socks, a fun card game, some earrings, a movie, a mix CD!!!!, and also jewelry, handmade by Amanda. <3 <3 Thanks again, Amanda, since you're the only one I know who is still reading this thing, haha! <3 <3

I wish I had some sort of talent in making things... anything! I should try and teach myself something so that next holiday season I can hand out some awesome handmade gifts... any ideas or suggestions? Awesome or crafty things I should try? I'm up for anything. It'll give me something to do while I waste away in front of the television or my computer watching movies and shows all day and night! Hahaha.

So today was a good day. Time for dinner and maybe watching a movie with my family, then waiting for Christmas morning! We're having a lot of last-minute guests coming for lunch/dinner from my mom's side, which is a little stressful because it's more cooking and cleaning and getting things ready, but it should be fun. And I heard that lots of stores are going to be having crazy-cheap sales on the 26th, so maybe I'm going to brave the crowds and go after-Christmas shopping! haha. It's going to be a fun couple of days before going back to State College for practice on the 28th... then CALIFORNIA! WOO!

So yeah. Dinner time. Gotta go! Hope everyone is having a great holiday season, no matter what you celebrate! ^_^

Day four and day five

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:52:57 GMT

I forgot to write yesterday! So my happy thing for yesterday was that I got to finish catching up on Psych, and I babysat and made some money! woo!

My happy thing for today is that I started watching Chuck. I've seen two episodes so far! It's pretty awesome. I also wasted away the whole afternoon playing mindless games on the internet.

Do I watch too much television? Or television on the computer, even? I do spend a lot of my time watching things, but... yeah. I mean, it's nice. I love a good story, a good plot, and it's especially nice when I'm stressed or upset or just bored, and want to escape from the monotony of daily life. It's especially nice now, when I'm at home and bored out of my mind because my family is sleeping, or running around places, or busy doing their own stuff. It makes me miss the dorms a little, just because i can always count on Amanda to be awake all of the time to keep me company! ^_^ Though, it's almost as comforting to know that most nights Amanda (and Liz, in most cases) will be online and awake until the wee hours of the morning to keep me company via the internet. hahaha.

It is nice to not have classes. I can't believe that in less than a week I'll be in California! This is ridiculous. Break is going by WAY TOO FAST. I don't want classes to start up again. Ever. hahaha. I did finally get my last grade in for the last semester, though. 3.66 for the semester, bringing my cumulative GPA for all three semesters to 3.50, which is nice. I guess staying for that last final was worth it after all...

So yeah. That's life right now. Gift giving tomorrow with friends, then Christmas! I'm excited. Things at home have been... less than peachy, to put it nicely, so maybe the holidays will bring some cheer around here? or maybe I won't feel so bad about spending more time away from home and with all of my friends after all... heh.

Day four?

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 05:08:50 GMT

Is it day four of the 'things that made you happy that day' thing already? I can't remember, and I didn't re-read my last thing before starting to write this. We'll go with four.

Lots of awesome things happened today. I went with my dad and sister to the mall to get my mom a present... I shopped with my friend Liz and finished getting her and my other friends presents! I went to see Yes Man with my little sister. Zoey Deschanel is awesome, in case you didn't know. And I probably butchered her name, but I never could spell. I watched football, though the Steelers lost, but they're already in the playoffs so it wasn't a terrible devistation. And I found an old mix CD that Amanda made me (that's been on my iPod FOREVER, but to see the actual CD again, with her writing on it, made me smile.

You know what I realized? I miss getting mixes. I know I live with her (yes you, Amanda, since I know you'll probably end up reading this!) and can steal her music whenever I wanted, but my favorite thing about any holiday was knowing that I was getting a mix CD from Amanda. <3 True story. I would look forward to those more than anything anyone ever bought me. (Don't get me wrong, I love all of my presents from friends over the years, it was just that I could usually count on that CD showing up on special occasions!) I kind of really miss them, actually. I've never seen someone put so much effort into mixes, trying to balance slow and fast, songs that blend well, artists that compliment each other... not just throwing together random songs that she likes, which was what I always did with mix CDs. It was (and still is, for anyone lucky enough to get ahold of an Amanda Mix!) pretty damn awesome. I've been listening to my past mixes all day!

So yeah, mix CD rant over. Yes Man was pretty funny. I enjoyed it! I needed a nice comedy, but also something that really focused on opening up possibilities in your life. I say no to way too many things because I'm afraid, either that people won't like me, or that I won't be good at something, or that I won't like it... but that's a sucky way to live life. Perhaps I'll say yes to more things now? Who knows. Movies tend to suck me in like that. But maybe it's worth a try. ^_^ We'll see.

For now, I'm going to watch some movies (okay, probably just one movie) and relax. I love just having time to relax!

I am an idiot.

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 09:23:57 GMT

Tonight was a lot of fun, until it was a disaster. I spent the night at a friend's house, hanging out and playing games and eating and watching a movie. It was awesome, and I missed everyone soooooo much! It was great to see them. I knew the weather was supposed to get bad, icy, but I wasn't paying enough attention. We started The Dark Night, which I forgot was epically long. I fell asleep a little through some of it. Before I realized how late it had gotten, the movie was over. I twas 3 am. And it was starting to freezing rain outside. I managed to drop off my friend Beki, but as I turned out of her development I totally lost control of my car. Don't worry, everything was fine. My wheels spun out, I slid a few feet onto the other side of the road, but luckily no one else was out. Of course not. It was a sheet of ice and it was three in the fucking morning. I should've known better than to stay out so late with my shitty car! So I had to pull into a bank parking lot and call my mom to come get me. Of course, my mom doesn't drive in bad weather, so she sends my dad.

He immediately overreacts, yelling about how irresponsible it was of me to be out so late when I knew the weather was bad. How I should've been home hours ago. How I should have known better... he expected more of me. Of course, I'm already freaked out because my car spun out, and just barely managed to pull into this parking lot. Now I have to put my dad in danger so he can come and get my sorry ass! So, naturally, I realize what a dumbass I was. I should've known better. I normally do. But I was tired of being the first person to leave at all of the parties. Tired of missing out on the fun stuff just to get home at a decent hour. This was the latest I had stayed out without sleeping over somewhere. And this is what happens when I don't trust my instincts, obviously.

So now there I was, sitting in an empty parking lot as sleet falls all around me, bawling. This was all my fault! I never would've forgiven myself if something had happened while my dad had to come get me. Luckily we made it back home safely, though not without a few scares. I'm never going to be allowed to drive in any sort of bad weather now, which isn't my fault so much as my tire's fault. Okay, no, it was definitely my fault for being out when I knew it was going to get like this. I just hate that I let my dad down, when he thought I should've known better. I did, I was going to leave, but decided against it. I'm lame lame lame lame lame. They were just upset that I could've been seriously injured and the whole situation could've been avoided if I had left an hour earlier.

EDIT: Okay, so I was a little angsty and emo when I wrote this. I mean, I was still upset that I had to leave my car, and wake my family up at 3:00 am to drive in ice. Understandable, right? I'm not going to delete it, because it was exactly what I felt like at 4:30 this morning, but I am going to retract my statements. <3 No one hates me. Maybe I'm not a complete idiot, though my judgement last night was definitely in question. But it's all good, I guess. I was just upset and overreacting, just like my dad did. hahaha, ironic, maybe? maybe not. But still a little funny. But I promise you all that I'm significantly less angry at myself today, well, now today, as opposed to 4:20 am today. True story! /Edit.

Oh, a good thing for Day Three. Ummm.. The whole part of the night I had having fun at Hayley's house. It really was a blas! And it was a Halloween at Christmas thing, so people were encouraged to wear costumes. I was a Pop Princess Diva. That right there made it worth going.

Day Two

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:24:27 GMT

Two things made me very happy: 1) I finished finals! 2) I spend hours video chatting with Amanda while she is enjoying home and I am stuck at college for roughly another 7-8 hours. ^_^ We danced and watched Psych, and sang, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. It's a strange feeling to miss someone even though you're looking at them, kind of... via video, you know? But it was great to see her face again!

So yeah. Two awesome things in one day! hurray! Now if only this stupid cough would go away!

Day One!

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:09:32 GMT

I'm stealing this from inflationary . It seemed like a fun idea. The rules are that for 8 days you have to post something that made you happy that day.

*** The past few days my facebook status has been full of despair over finals and being sick. The girl down the hall noticed, and made me a christmas stocking full of tea and instant pudding packets and apple cider mix and post-its and gum and kleenex and stickers and a mix CD of music she noticed wasn't on my iTunes (which I have on share so people on my floor can see/listen to my songs) that she thought I would love. She told me it sounded like I was having a rough time and she thought I could use a little pick-me-up. <3 <3 And I've barely spoken to her, though she's so nice, she lives in a single at the very end corner of the hall, and I just never really got around to getting to know her. I really hope that I can the next half of the year, though, because she's so sweet! And we have similar tatses in music, so there's something in common already! So yeah, getting that made me happy today. ***

Other than that, I finished up my Theatre final, waiting for the grade to be sent tonight. Eep! I wathced Bring It On this afternoon instead of studying. Ummm... Inernational Relations exam tomorrow, but probably not home until Saturday by the way the weather looks like it's going to pan out. No worries. I swear I'm not going to stress over things I can't control any more. I want to be happier, and I can't do that if I keep worrying over every little thing. I'm going to be a whole new me after this semester is over! A lot more fun, and carefree, and open and hopefully just a person everyone will want to be around more. We shall see if I can pull off such a feat. I have hope, though. ^_^

I've got to go study now. For realz. So maybe if Amanda comes online again tonight I can justify watching Psych. <3 <3 Which, if you don't watch already, you totally should.

Much love,

Erica

guess who's back? Back again!

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 16:40:26 GMT

I haven't written in this thing for months. Not since school started. Wow. I'm really sorry to the people who may have actually been using this to keep up with my life. If it makes you feel any better, nothing huge has really happened yet. So you didn't miss anything. I'm especially sorry to the few friends I made on various groups here, who I haven't been keeping up with either. I didn't mean to abandon things. Then again, when do we ever really intend on abandoning things?

I hope to write in this more often again. I really do. Now is not the time, though. I'm stressed because I didn't keep up with my classes the way that I should have and now my finals are going to suck (though I still can't find the will to force myself to study for them, so ... yeah. Figure that one out for me!) And the weather is bad, so my family is all stressed about me getting back up to college (I'm driving with a friend's mom who is picking her up, but it is sleeting and crappy out). They don't want me to drive myself back up in bad weather tomorrow, though. :-/ I may be stuck there until the last possible hour on Saturday too because of icy weather on Friday. I HATE THE WEATHER. All of my plans are falling through. I should've just stayed at college for the past four days. I missed the Silks party, and a Luau party, and quality hanging out time with Amanda. :-( :-( :-( And while it was nice to come home for a few day sand see my family and hang out with Liz, well... I should've just stayed at college and avoided all of this mess and worry. I make horrible decisions.

So yeah. Things are not going my way right now, and I will not write more because I will just get angry or depressing. <3 really, things are not so bad in the big picture. I miss having Amanda around all of the time to make jokes and keep my spirits up and watch things with me, though. It's so true that you take for granted people (or qualities of people) and never realize it until you aren't around them for a while. Like, I missed how eager my little sister is to mess around learning new colorguard stuff. And how 'nerdtastic' Liz is. And how much I miss the kids around the neighborhood, and how fast they grow and how adorable their innocence and carefree lives are. ^_^

So, if you're reading this, it's beccause you're my friend on here, whether I know you in real life, or whether I met you online, and I can say with certainty that over these past few months of my livejournal absence I'VE MISSED YOU! <3 <3 <3