I am better now, at least a little. My PLSC123 professor is the best person in the world. He doesn't care if I miss class to go to basketball pep band. And he decided the articles we were supposed to read were 'boring and dry' and so he isn't putting them on tomorrow's exam, which is only on 1 chapter because he was out sick for a week. That eased my work load considerably. I still have a ton of work to do this week. I jhave to study Italian like nobody's business, and read a 300 page book by Friday.
But I turn 21 on Thursday, and damnit, I'm going out! So there's that. I don't know how well this whole 'actual work to do on Friday' business is going to turn out, but I'm hoping for the best because I think I deserve a little fun. I've been working my ass off this semester, and I'm only just barely scraping by, and that sucks. And it's draining, and upsetting, to know that I've put so much work into these classes and they're just kicking my ass over and over and over again. It's frustrating. I thought if I worked harder I could do better, but it's simply a matter of just not grasping this new material, no matter how much time I put into it. And that sucks. But whatever, because at least I'm passing, and that's all that counts at this point. I've (sort of) come to terms with the impending death of my GPA.
Now off to class and work and being a good little busy bee of productivity until tomorrow night. SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FANCY DINNER with Abbey and Amanda for my birthday. <3 <3 <3 <3
Other than that, Michigan with the Blue Band was great fun! I'm almost caught up on Paranormal, can't wait to be able to watch it week by week with the rest of the world, and I'm not doing too poorly in any of my classes, I just have a lot of backed up work for them is all. A lot of reading to do over the next two days. A LOT of reading. But I guess life isn't too terrible, all in all. Just the little things that add up after a while, but I'm sure they'll go away in a few days as well.
Nothing that can't be sorted out, but something that needed a mini-lj rant before I started my day as a ball of frustration. :-p Now, off to be a hermit for a day so that I can (hopefully) be back on track and back to normal for tomorrow.
That is my new livejournal. I let this one die. I never really liked the name 'easytoexplain'. I want to start over new. I want all of my way too many sites to have the same name (now I'm BelovedListener on twitter, blogspot, AIM, Deviant Art and livejournal).
Those are my reasons. But please, ADD MY NEW NAME! And I hope to be more active now. Especially since in two weeks it will be SUMMER
http://belovedlistener.livejournal.com/
And I had another energy drink today, which I haven't done in a while, so now I don't know when I'll be tired enough to go to bed. Haha, that's a lie. I'll probably be awake for about ten more minutes then hardcore crash and be dead to the world. That'll be a good time. This weekend cannot come fast enough. Just four classes between me and two days of doing nothing productive at all, I'm pretty psyched. Going to see a play, hang out with some friends, and go to a birthday party. Brunch will happen somewhere in there as well. ^_^ It's going to be grand.
And now I'm going to go get ready for bed. Just a quick update on my life. And sorry to everyone who I haven't been keeping track of on here, since I stopped coming on for a while. I hope to get back in the swing of things soon enough!
In much happier news, though, things are going well with Cru and my Bible Study, which is nice. And I'm excited for the Silks clinic during Blue White Weekend. And the weather seems to be getting nicer. Rain instead of snow is fun. I do love the rain (when I didn't spend time on my hair in the morning, that is! haha) and... yeah. I'm home this weekend, which is nice, because I miss my family a lot when I'm at school. Of course, living with Amanda makes it all worth it, because some good times are had there. But it's nice to be back in my room again, even after just two weeks, spending all day watching Comedy Central with my dad. It was a nice day. Tomorrow I get to see my little sister perform with the high school marching band at an indoor football arena game at halftime, which is fun. They've done this for two years now, it's always a good time, and their show this year was extra awesome (some sort of horror theme, they did jaws and thriller and the time warp and tons of other fun things!) so yeah. I guess life isn't always horrible... just sometimes. ^_^
Today was great to just spend at home with my family. My mom works during the day, my dad is working farther away so he'll be home even less than he normally would during the week, and my sister is in school, so I won't see them a whole whole lot this coming week. But it is nice to be home, even if I do have to do chores again. Meh. It's nice to drive my car again too. I missed it so.
I had so much I wanted to do by now and haven't, and while I know I have about seven more days left I know I'll probably never do them. Like, I brought my sketching pencils and stuff home with me, since I haven't sketched anything in months. I do want to get at least decent in drawing, and I'll never do that unless I practice more... or at all. But my sister has a new Nancy Drew game that I want to play, and my dad got a new PC game to give me, and I have so many shows and movies I want to watch... I know I'll just overload on possibilities and not do any of it. I'll just sleep all of the time and spend the rest online, or watching television with my family.
Maybe I'll find some friends who are home to hang out with. Go to the mall? See a movie? Bowling? SOMETHING! Hopefully. If not, I guess the rest of the week will just be uneventful, which I guess is nice as well, in a calm, restful, boring sort of way. :-p
~Erica
- Location:home
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:"Second Chance" by Shinedown
Things are... ^_^
- Music:Chris Tomlin, "Indescribable"
afj;oewrfysdufhsdajnfkealmfkl;dsfoiajwei
- Location:my dorm
- Mood:
confused
I've Learned
by Omer B. Washington
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people,
It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love
and be loved.
I've learned...
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions
THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LE
1. "I'm Ready" by Jack's Mannequin
2. "I'm Sorry" by Jealousy Curve
3. "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by the Scissor Sisters
4. "I Woke Up In A Car" by Something Corporate
5. "Industry" by Jon McLaughlin
- Mood:
tired
Do I still have doubts and fears and insecurities? Yes. But doesn't everybody? The sooner I learn to accept them and not let them control me, the sooner I can be... happier? stronger? better? Yes, yes, and yes. And I'm sorry to everyone who has been telling me these things for years, and who had to sit back and watch me as I ignored them, thinking I knew me best and there was no hope to escape my ways of thinking about and viewing life. I'm sorry I didn't listen sooner. <3 But thanks for putting up with me for this long, and hopefully it'll only get better from here.
Perhaps more specific updates and explanations and emotions to come, but for now I'll leave it with vague analogies and such. ^_^
Best wishes,
Erica.
- Mood:
ecstatic
So, school. It has started. Again. Another semester is already two weeks in, and I"m already two weeks behind in all of my reading. I haven't even taken my Econ book out of the shrink-wrap yet, that's how lazy I've been these past two weeks. Though I pride myself in the knowledge that I haven't skipped a single class yet, despite the fact that I wanted to skip several which are still reviewing things I already know. ^_^ I have an Italian Exam next Friday already, and I don't remember any of the stuff we've been going over from last semester. Whose bright idea was it for me to take Italian, anyway? haha. I have some friends in some classes this semester, though, which is nice. I want to join a few more clubs, though, I just can't force myself to make the time for meetings. I'm going to Cru, which is a Christian group on campus full of awesome people and awesome live music and it's just a great experience overall. I didn't realize how much I missed the inspiration and hope and optimism I used to get from religion when I was younger, before my family stopped going to church, and it's nice to have that in my life again. I'm not going to go preaching to all of my friends, or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I may have more agnostic or athiest friends than I do religious ones, now that I think about it... it's just nice for me. <3
Other than that, nothing new really going on. I'm writing a little bit again, poem-like things mostly, lyrics, sometimes beginnings or middles to stories, when I get the inspiration. That's nice. I should start drawing again to see if I can get any better... I shold take a class or something, though. I can't seem to wrap my head around shading and distance and stuff like that. Proportions. ugg. I'm finding some new music, which is fun, and I'm always open to suggestions if anyone has any. Music is awesome. New music is even more awesome. Oh, and reading! Also awesome. Since I'm not reading for class, I figured why not take up reading for fun again? Haha. I got some books from the library that seemed promising, though I have a stack of my own getting dusty right next to my desk. So many books, so little time. Oh, and video games have found their way back into my life. I hope they make an appearance again this weekend, in my suddenly vast amounts of free time.
I've been living in my head a lot lately. Zoning out and getting lost in the crazy thoughts that live inside my brain. I should probably knock it off. A look inside my current jumble of thoughts: I'm missing home already, and I can't wait for Spring Break. I'll have to pick a weekend before that to go home, though, so I don't go crazy until March. I need to do laundry, everything is dirty. I need to get to the gym, but it's so crowded all of the time now that I can never get on a treadmill. Silly people and their New Year's Resolutions, I've been going to the gym all year, that should give me some sort of priority. I want to learn so many things, like new languages and how to knit and sew and crochet and draw and skii and snowboard and be crafty and make things, and soooooo many other things. I just don't have the time. I need to get an internship for the summer or something, get a head start on making some sort of career for myself, maybe. I need to get a normal job now, so I can afford all of the things I want to buy. And I want to be able to give money to charities and organizations I believe in.
And that's just the small amount of stuff that I was just thinking of. Imagine how ridiculous things can get for 24 hours of thinking. I should take up meditation, sometimes I feel like it'd be nice to escape my own mind for a little while.
I'm going to stop while I'm ahead, partly because I want to take this math quiz now so I don't have to worry about it over the weekend, and partly because I have an hour and a half before Friday Night Lights comes on, and I want to see if I can fit in a nap before this energy drink I just had kicks in and I'm up until five in the morning.
<3
- Location:the dorm room
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Pearl Jam
... it's 3:30 now, for the record. Man, how time flies. I should get some sleep... who knows what the weekend will hold for me? My horoscope said to 'vanish while you still can' for tonight... rather, last night, since it's technically Saturday, so that's exactly what I did. I hid in the room, kept to myself... it was quiet. Odd. I thought a lot, wrote a little, then threw it out. Maybe another day. But now I'm ready to pass out. Yep, second wind is gone, and my eyes are unable to remain open. Time for bed.
<3
I got back too late to watch Psych with Liz and Amanda, which was a bummer because I don't know when I'll see Liz again, though I'm excited to start this next semester with Amanda in two days! That's the most positive that I can be about having to end break and start classes, haha. But I'm trying! I'm trying so hard.
I haven't done half of the things I wanted to over break, and now that I only have one day left (that will probably just be spent watching the playoffs, GO STEELERS!) I just wish I had more time. But it's all good, I guess, and Spring Break will be here faster than I think, followed by Summer in just a few short months. If I can manage to not stress myself to death, all will be well. ^_^
- Location:my room
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:anything by 3OH!3 that's on my iTunes
So New Year. Yeah. It's full of the typical resolutions. Get better grades, lose weight, be nicer, make more friends, be a better person, etc. Maybe it will actually happen this year. Who knows? I do want to get a job and make some money because I seem to want so much clothing and DVDs and everything that I just can't afford, but it would be nice to be able to buy myself something every once and a while, you know? Yeah. So maybe that'll happen. We'll see. I want to get better grades, though. Study more, Actually care this time around. I say that ever semester too, though.
So outside of New Years stuff, I'm just relaxing. I have exactly one week from about thirty minutes ago until I have to go back to college for the next semester. This will be my last semester living with Amanda, so I'm hoping to make it a really great one full of movie watching and late nights and video games and fun times in general. I can't imagine having to live with someone else. But I guess I should just count my blessings that I've had such a great time for these first two years, and see what happens from here.
I need to watch more movies. True story. There are so many I want to see and haven't yet, but canceling netflix is putting a slight damper on getting that done, what with school bandwidth limits and all. Silly bandwidth. Oh, and I've had this cough for, like, two weeks now and it won't go away, so tomorrow I'm making a doctor's appointment so that I can get it looked at and see if I have the plague or not.
I'm watching football now, have been all day, playoffs are on! No Steelers game until next week, though. Another Super Bowl run would be great, but we'll just take it one week at a time. It's nice to be home and relaxing. I hope to hang out with friends this week. Right now I'm just playing some mindless internet games in my living room, spending some time with the family before I spend all week out with friends and stuff, which is most likely what's going to happen for the next five days. Woo!
Happy New Year, everybody! I hope that your 2009 is a great one! <3 <3 <3 <3
- Location:my living room
- Mood: hopeful
- Music:the sound of a football game on TV
So yes. Christmas. I watched the Invader Zim Christmas episode about three times in the past 24 hours, it's a good time. I sort of want to try and sketch something, but I don't know if I will. I'm pretty tired - I stayed up late last night, and my sister woke me up at 7 to open presents. CRAZY PEOPLE! So yeah, I'm not well rested at all. But maybe. We'll see if I'm motivated after I'm done writing this.
I hope everyone reading this had a lovely day wherever you were doing whatever it was that you did today. ^_^ I leave for California in four days. Practically three days, starting tomorrow morning. That is a crazy number which I cannot believe. Part of me wants to stay home and keep visiting friends and go to New Years Eve parties and hang out with my family, but it's the ROSE BOWL, so it wins. Hands down. Plus, it's too late to back out now even if I wanted to. haha!
Much love, Erica.
- Location:my room
- Mood: ecstatic
- Music:"No Cigar" by Millencolin
Today's, however, is far from forced. This afternoon was so much fun! I gift exchanged with Amanda and Liz and Dani, which was so much fun! I got some adorable socks, a fun card game, some earrings, a movie, a mix CD!!!!, and also jewelry, handmade by Amanda. <3 <3 Thanks again, Amanda, since you're the only one I know who is still reading this thing, haha! <3 <3
I wish I had some sort of talent in making things... anything! I should try and teach myself something so that next holiday season I can hand out some awesome handmade gifts... any ideas or suggestions? Awesome or crafty things I should try? I'm up for anything. It'll give me something to do while I waste away in front of the television or my computer watching movies and shows all day and night! Hahaha.
So today was a good day. Time for dinner and maybe watching a movie with my family, then waiting for Christmas morning! We're having a lot of last-minute guests coming for lunch/dinner from my mom's side, which is a little stressful because it's more cooking and cleaning and getting things ready, but it should be fun. And I heard that lots of stores are going to be having crazy-cheap sales on the 26th, so maybe I'm going to brave the crowds and go after-Christmas shopping! haha. It's going to be a fun couple of days before going back to State College for practice on the 28th... then CALIFORNIA! WOO!
So yeah. Dinner time. Gotta go! Hope everyone is having a great holiday season, no matter what you celebrate! ^_^
I forgot to write yesterday! So my happy thing for yesterday was that I got to finish catching up on Psych, and I babysat and made some money! woo!
My happy thing for today is that I started watching Chuck. I've seen two episodes so far! It's pretty awesome. I also wasted away the whole afternoon playing mindless games on the internet.
Do I watch too much television? Or television on the computer, even? I do spend a lot of my time watching things, but... yeah. I mean, it's nice. I love a good story, a good plot, and it's especially nice when I'm stressed or upset or just bored, and want to escape from the monotony of daily life. It's especially nice now, when I'm at home and bored out of my mind because my family is sleeping, or running around places, or busy doing their own stuff. It makes me miss the dorms a little, just because i can always count on Amanda to be awake all of the time to keep me company! ^_^ Though, it's almost as comforting to know that most nights Amanda (and Liz, in most cases) will be online and awake until the wee hours of the morning to keep me company via the internet. hahaha.
It is nice to not have classes. I can't believe that in less than a week I'll be in California! This is ridiculous. Break is going by WAY TOO FAST. I don't want classes to start up again. Ever. hahaha. I did finally get my last grade in for the last semester, though. 3.66 for the semester, bringing my cumulative GPA for all three semesters to 3.50, which is nice. I guess staying for that last final was worth it after all...
So yeah. That's life right now. Gift giving tomorrow with friends, then Christmas! I'm excited. Things at home have been... less than peachy, to put it nicely, so maybe the holidays will bring some cheer around here? or maybe I won't feel so bad about spending more time away from home and with all of my friends after all... heh.
- Location:my living room
- Mood:
bored - Music:"Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3
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easytoexplain- Erica
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